Associations: Types

The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed. ­– C.G. Jung  

It is important to know the type of association you have with the people in your life. We are all peculiar in our own right and relate in as many different ways to our associations as there are the number of us. If associations will determine your future then you would agree with me that you must critically analyze the type of association you have with each person in your life. Before we go into the various forms of human associations, understand that associations are a two way reaction. It is often give and take.

The first form of association is a commensal association. It describes an association in which one party benefits while the other isn’t significantly benefited nor harmed. This association is best for mentor-protégé relationship. The mentor may not gain much but should not be harmed. If it isn't a mentor-protégé relationship it may turn out be a significant waste of time to always be with someone that gains from you whilst leaving you the same.

Then there is an association in which one party gains from the other and completely overshadows the second. This form of association occurs most often in some boss-employee relationships. The boss grows toward his goal, gaining from the employee, while giving back nothing to enhance the growth and development of the employee. A variant of this form of association can best be described with the biological term, parasitic. A parasitic person will gain from you but in return harm you. In essence it is what he gains from you that destroy you. Another variant of this when both parties involved in the relationship destroy each other. Drug addicts and the like find solace in this form or association. You don't want to be a part of any of this.

Finally, there is a symbiotic association in which the parties involved gain from each other for the lifetime of the association. On a level playing ground this is the ideal form of relationship for every type of growth and development desired. A symbiotic relationship can grow on for years, becoming stronger and stronger.

       Like I highlighted earlier, associations are always two way. As you look closely at your relationships you may be tempted to analyze them selfishly. I propose you consider them objectively because you may be the party taking from and not adding to it.

Associations, a Glimpse of Your Future

The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed. ­– C.G. Jung  

A human being is a relational being. We are not designed to live isolated lives. For a person to develop appropriately he or she needs people. It may be possible to develop your gifts and talents in isolation but to develop character, which is in essence the real you, you must to be a part of a human community. 
        We are all peculiar. No other person is exactly like you. You have your interests and disinterests, likes and dislikes, good and not-so-good. If you are left on your own your peculiarities will tilt your life to the extreme on one direction. It is like our solar system. The sun pulls on the planets and the planets pull away while at the same time pulling on each other. This keeps them moving in the right orbit. So, other peculiar people bring balance and stability to your life.

By observation you see that, “Birds of a feather flock together,” stretches it's relevance to people. Do a careful assessment of your friends and close associations and you will be struck by the close character resemblance you share with them. It is important to know that your associations do not only reflect who you are but, to a large extent, determine the person you are becoming. So, if you want to predict your future, choose the type of friends you keep company with.

To decide your associations you must clearly understand where you want to end up. Your destination determines the type of company you keep and to what degree you keep them. Also, you need to evaluate your present and potential associations and determine correctly what sort of relationship they are.

In addition you will need to know how to severe from harmful association  while, at the same time, preserving the fabric of the persons dignity intact. Some associations may not need to be completely severed but rather redefined to a shallower dimension. Finally, you must know how to choose and define prospective associations in exact relation to the phase you are in your success journey.

I would, in the next few articles expound on each of these aspects of human association.

The Predictable God

While the earth remains, seed-time and harvest, cold and heat, winter and summer, and day and night shall not cease. ­– God  

 There are some things I can guess about your day without you giving me a hint. First, you woke up this morning. You got ready for work. The sun gradually rose in the horizon and by noon it was right overhead. Four hours later, as you prepared to leave for home, the sun had moved to the west and seemed to be cooling off.

Now you may go, “Is this a joke? What is so ingenious about stating the obvious way a day will go?” and to that I say, “Of course there is nothing ingenious about it.” In fact the only reason I can (as every other person can) predict the trend of a day is because of the predictability of God. God set nature in a way that you can observe and correctly predict. Imagine, for a moment, if your alarm woke you up by 6 am and by 11 am the sun isn't up. Imagine if seasons were completely unpredictable and you wake up each morning to a different weather. Chaotic! I hear your heart say and in addition to that I say that the world can’t work that way.

As it is with our predictable God so it should be with our lives. If things would work in your life, and if you would make steady progress in your success journey, you need some degree of predictability in your daily activities. You should be able to operate with a pattern of vision, goal setting, planning, to-do lists, and prioritization. “Just maintain the proper order in all things,” was an advice Paul, the apostle, once gave.

It is interesting to note that progress is always the signature of orderliness. A simple glance at societies that take order and patterns seriously shows this and a glance at societies that give room for chaos provides ample evidence of stagnancy.

No Courage No Leader

A ship is safe in harbor, but that’s not what ships are for. ­– William G.T. Shedd  

It is normal – some sort of comfort zone – to allow things to stay as they are. Why challenge the status-quo and cause possible trouble for yourself when nobody will dispute you if you take no action? 

Deep within our hearts we are left with that yearning for something bigger. It is that you are more than this thought that does not leave you. You must leave the known behind if you are to take hold of the desired. What you have always been will not take you to the place you heart craves after. It is true that if you always do what you have always done you will always be where you have always been. To leave the norm you must be courageous. A dear friend of mine desired to leave his norm of bachelorhood and get into the unknown of marriage but did not have a dime. I encouraged him to be bold and face up to the challenge. It was time for him to exemplify the things he had encouraged many with in the past. Today he is married. What do you lack courage to handle?

It takes courage to be a leader in any area. Many-a-folk desire to lead and set the pace in their chosen fields but lack the liver to take the necessary steps. You probably have thought that your parents weren’t bold enough to take the opportunities that came their ways but are you bold enough to sacrifice your need for security to step into your dream?

       A friend jokingly told us that he felt like throwing some punches at his father when he narrated to them how he turned down an opportunity to buy plots of land some years ago because he reasoned that development would take ages to get there. Now, ten years down the line, the same piece of land goes for millions. “My father lacked vision!” he exclaimed. Minutes later the same fellow turned down an offer of land because he reasoned it was too far from development. We all had a bigger laugh at him than we had at his father. 

Leadership and Boundaries

Boundaries … barriers. We need them. They let you love someone. Otherwise you might kill them. ­– Sheila Heti  

 We were usually paired two pupils to a desk in primary school. I remember when we will use whatever we could to carefully measure and mark out the midpoint of the desk and declare it "personal territory". What we were saying to each other was, “You can do whatever you choose to but only to this extent.” Whoever initiates the idea of marking out territories also knows that he is defining his own extent.

We know this idea all too well as adults. We know that there are international boundaries, state boundaries, city boundaries, family boundaries, and personal boundaries. Although boundaries seem selfish what they do is show us the extents to which we should exert control. Boundaries are of utmost importance if there would be peaceful coexistence among people of different interests.

Leadership is marked-out all through with boundaries. There is nothing like a “boundless leader.” Any leader who does not identify and acknowledge her boundary would soon lose the respect and honor accrued to her leadership. To enjoy limitless expression of your potential you must do it within your defined boundaries.

How do you identify your boundaries? The first step is to be completely sincere to yourself in your self-estimation. How much can your potential handle? Can your finances invest as much as you want to? Can your education produce the results you desire? Do you have the level of competence needed for the success you desire? If not you would be doing yourself a grave disservice to progress without reviewing boundaries.

Second, understand that you must identify and respect the boundaries of other people involved. It does not matter how dependent people may be on you. When you disrespectfully ignore their personal space they will flinch. Any further respect you receive from them is merely mechanical and no longer willful submission.

Your success journey is highly empowered by recognizing your boundaries.

Here is Your Assignment

You were not created to come to this earth and say, “Me too I came to live some.” You were created to make a difference. ­– Israelmore Ayivor (Ghanian blogger) 

You lazily flip through the channels of your TV on a lonely evening and you get to one that features an interview with a popular politician. Out of curiosity you stay on to “hear” a little of what he has to say. The interviewer asks the question: “Why are you in politics? What motivated you?” You keenly listen expecting some high sounding gibberish that may explain his choice of career. What you hear slaps you and makes you wish he had said the gibberish you initially thought he would. He says, “I was enjoying my medical practice and was doing well but the people in my constituency insisted I run for office.” Have you heard that before?

It is easy to desire leadership. When folks place their minds on the possible pomp, authority, respect, and financial benefits that come with it, it is easy to see why many obey the “call” to lead. Unfortunately many leaders aren’t leaders at all. To be a leader you must have a mandate – a clearly defined and outlined assignment – that keeps you on course. Without this you are simply on a lonely stroll and, if unfortunately you have a portfolio, wasting peoples precious time.

A mandate is borne out of a burden to change an unfavorable situation to a favorable one. A mandate for a leader who hates the high poverty rate in her environment might be to create jobs for unskilled labor. Such a person would have a great burden over unemployment. A mandate for a leader who seeks to heal and rehabilitate commercial sex workers that desire a change in life might be to run trainings and empowerment programs for people that fall in that category. Every mandate seeks to change things for the better.

In addition, a mandate is people-focused. You cannot claim to have a mandate when all that concerns you is the condition of your pocket and that of your family and friends. You do not have a mandate when you cannot always see the other person when you carry out your work. A mandate is other-based.