Influencing the world around you to think like you

I hold that a strongly marked personality can influence descendants for generations. – Beatrix Potter

Success isn’t defined by your account balance or even the things they can purchase. This is hard to perceive in our societies because of the undue import we have placed on money in our culture – our music, crafts, religions, “love”.

Nonetheless there are some people the civilized world will never forget. People that will not be remembered for the money they had but for the indelible mark they left behind. In our recent history the simple man, Mahatma Gandhi, stands shoulder above many. He was reputed as the man that ended British rule in India. The most remarkable part of Gandhi’s weaponry was the absence of weapons. He believed unequivocally in non-violent resistance at all times and stood by that philosophy until his death in January 1948. Let us consider what his philosophy achieved in the lives of some famous people (revolutionaries in their own right):

1)   Leaders of the civil rights movement in the United States, Martin Luther King and James Lawson, drew from the writings of Gandhi in the development of their own theories about non-violence.

2)  Nelson Mandela: “Nonviolence is a powerful and just weapon. Indeed, it is a weapon unique in history, which cuts without wounding and ennobles the man who wields it.”

3)     Albert Einstein: Gandhi is "a role model for the generations to come."

4)     British musician John Lennon referred to Gandhi as an influence on his music.

5)     Senator Barack Obama: "Throughout my life, I have always looked to Mahatma Gandhi as an inspiration, because he embodies the kind of transformational change that can be made when ordinary people come together to do extraordinary things. That is why his portrait hangs in my Senate office: to remind me that real results will come not just from Washington – they will come from the people."

This then is success: Influencing the world around you to think like you and inspire to your aspirations. All successful people had this feature of success. That is what made them great folks. That’s what made them indispensable to human history.

Leadership and Boundaries

Boundaries … barriers. We need them. They let you love someone. Otherwise you might kill them. ­– Sheila Heti  

 We were usually paired two pupils to a desk in primary school. I remember when we will use whatever we could to carefully measure and mark out the midpoint of the desk and declare it "personal territory". What we were saying to each other was, “You can do whatever you choose to but only to this extent.” Whoever initiates the idea of marking out territories also knows that he is defining his own extent.

We know this idea all too well as adults. We know that there are international boundaries, state boundaries, city boundaries, family boundaries, and personal boundaries. Although boundaries seem selfish what they do is show us the extents to which we should exert control. Boundaries are of utmost importance if there would be peaceful coexistence among people of different interests.

Leadership is marked-out all through with boundaries. There is nothing like a “boundless leader.” Any leader who does not identify and acknowledge her boundary would soon lose the respect and honor accrued to her leadership. To enjoy limitless expression of your potential you must do it within your defined boundaries.

How do you identify your boundaries? The first step is to be completely sincere to yourself in your self-estimation. How much can your potential handle? Can your finances invest as much as you want to? Can your education produce the results you desire? Do you have the level of competence needed for the success you desire? If not you would be doing yourself a grave disservice to progress without reviewing boundaries.

Second, understand that you must identify and respect the boundaries of other people involved. It does not matter how dependent people may be on you. When you disrespectfully ignore their personal space they will flinch. Any further respect you receive from them is merely mechanical and no longer willful submission.

Your success journey is highly empowered by recognizing your boundaries.

Mentor Matters

Tell me and I forget, teach me and I may remember, involve me and I learn. ­– Benjamin Franklin

 The first step for every aspect of human learning is imitation. A child imitates how her parents walk, talk, laugh, play, and even fight. If there are insults flying around at home you can be sure that the child will adopt them as fast as she can. If you want to make quick progress in any field, learn to imitate.

Now, many proclaim themselves leaders in various fields but have never been mentored by someone that has gone before them. The day Novak Djokovic lost his place as tennis world number one to Rafael Nadal, he gave Boris Becker, one-time youngest ever player to win the Wimbledon Open, a call to become his trainer. He did this because he knew that to regain his top rank in world tennis he needed someone who has been there and done that.

Mentorship is a pattern for would-be champions. A mentor should be someone who would not only show you the what but also the how to achieve what you desire to achieve. In effect, that means that he or she must be a person who has done what you are trying to do in detail. Age, gender, ethnicity, and the like, may not matter when choosing a mentor. What matters is whether or not the mentor knows his or her "onions" in that area.

In choosing a mentor, there are three things that should not be ignored. The first is prior record of the possible mentor. What has the person achieved in the field? How much learning has he in it? There are times when you learn from people that have failed in the area you want to succeed in but that does not amount to mentorship. For an effective mentor-protégé relationship, you need someone who has actually succeeded in it. At the least your mentor must be someone who may have failed in an aspect of the area but have overcome his failure enough to allow for proper mentorship.

I addition, you must understand and accept your would-be mentor’s value system. You must be bold to get answers to questions like; what does she believe? What makes him compromise? Does she understand the full purpose of why she is alive? This is important. A mentor-protégé relationship does not only transfer actions and principles but the very life of the mentor gets into the protégé.

Finally, your would-be mentor must be willing to teach. You cannot learn effectively from a secretive teacher. Your mentor must be willing to show you all that you need to learn for you to succeed.

The Mindset of a Great Leader

It’s hard to lead a cavalry charge if you think you look funny on a horse. ­– Adlai E. Stevenson (Two-time US presidential aspirant)

Leadership does not begin with an office. It has been said a million times over that you can lead from the middle of the pack. Inclusively, even the pillars of leadership; vision, integrity, taking initiative, and the like, are not sufficient to put you on the right leadership pedestal. This is so because leadership also does not begin with a mechanical adherence to principles. I am certain that you have seen “leaders” that do all the right things but can at best be referred to as poor leaders. You see, he is not a leader that does not think he is a leader. So, in essence, leadership begins with an attitude of the mind.

To develop the mindset of leadership you must first have a healthy self-esteem. Your self-esteem is your estimation of yourself – the worth you place of yourself. In itself it remains in neutral but you make it positive or negative. A healthy self-esteem brings with it confidence in your ability, courage to face daunting situations, a listening ear to every person involved in the task and a proactive rather than reactive attitude toward criticisms. An unhealthy self-esteem shows itself in an attitude of despair, worry, fear, and the like. A leader with a healthy self-esteem will emanate all the positives, while the opposite will be the case for a leader with an unhealthy self-esteem.

In addition to the attitude tool-kit of a leader, there must be an openness and boldness to permit creativity and innovation in everyday activities. Many leaders cannot face change, especially when it is initiated by someone other than themselves. You must be able to entertain creative and innovative suggestions. This may mean that you admit your own suggestions are not as innovative as the new ones suggested.

Finally, a leader must have a mindset that understands that authority in itself is a burden. This means that you must first be able to submit to authority for you to understand how and why people should submit to your authority. If folks would submit to your authority you must have a mindset that tells you it isn’t an opportunity to exploit but a responsibility to serve because a great leader, at the end of the day, is simply a great servant.

And There was a Leader

Leadership is the capacity to translate vision into reality. ­– Warren Bennis

In every society the people seen as the source of “all” the problems are the leaders. Be it in Greece, Iran, Turkey, or Nigeria, the leaders are the ones to take the first blows of every economic downturn, political turmoil, insecurity, and sometimes even natural disasters. This is so not because the people rallying on the streets consider leaders as some super humans with a magic wand but because leaders are expected to be ahead of the people in every aspect of life. Indeed, nothing moves in a society without leaders.

Leadership begins with vision. A visionless leader will not lead his followers any better than a guy on an evening stroll with his dog. Vision is of utmost importance because people only go as far as their leadership can see. “For want of vision countries perish,” a proverb teaches. Every progressive society has leaders with progressive visions and every unprogressive one has the opposite. The rate of progress is always commensurate with the vision of leadership.

Interestingly, leaders are scarcely aliens to any society. The quality of leaders produced in any society reflects the quality of the people in the society because leaders are always a sample of the people. It was Mike Murdock that once said, “Every country deserves its leaders.” Since I come from a country that has suffered decades of tremendously poor leadership, I initially felt his statement was overtly without empathy for people like me. As I grew to understand that leadership is a nations mirror I thought otherwise.

        You can be a leader. It does not matter where you are or what you do. In fact, your level on the stairway of your company’s organogram is of little significance. All these do not matter because leadership has nothing to do with your portfolio. You don’t need an office to be a leader. If you build yourself on the five pillars of leadership; Vision, Positive Influence, Personal Growth, Taking Initiative, Learning to Follow, you can be sure that you are indeed a leader already. [For more on the pillars of leadership click here] 

The Blind Man in Front

“One blind man cannot lead another; if he does both will fall into a ditch.” – Jesus (the Christ)

When you see a man with a stick and his hands placed on another person right in front of him you automatically assume he is blind. What never crosses your mind is that the blind person may be the folk in front or, more comically, both may be blind! You assume this because you know that to lead you need to see.

Unfortunately many leaders cannot see. To be a follower denotes there is a place you want to get to but you need someone else to facilitate your journey. It certainly is – at least physically – permissive for a follower to not see his way. To be a leader, on the other hand, you must see your way through.

Many folks take this for granted because they have misunderstood the basic concept of leadership. It is assumed that leadership is about staying in front or being on top. Both of these ideas are misguided because a shepherd boy, for example, leads from behind his flock. In effect he is more a guide who knows where he his flock needs to be and how to get them there. Without proper knowledge of where to lead people to you cannot guide.

Second, many leaders imagine themselves and their followers as a pyramid structure in which they are the peak while their followers carry them. This is another misconception because rather than a pyramid, the structure is turned upside down and the leader is at the bottom carrying the weight of the followers.

       With this modification in conceiving what leadership is, you would realize that you cannot lead without seeing where you are headed. The sight of the leader gives solace to the followers. It makes them confident to put the next foot forward, knowing that if their leader did not fall into a ditch they would not.  

It does not matter if it is a question of marriage, church, or football team. A leaders’ vision is paramount. The first question to ask any one person you intend to follow is, “what can you see?”

Aides to Destiny

A man found Joseph wandering around in the fields and asked him, “What are you looking for?” He replied, “I’m looking for my brothers. Can you tell me where they are grazing their flocks?” “They have moved from here,” the man answered. “I heard them say, ‘Let’s go to Dothan.’” So Joseph went after his brothers and found them near Dothan.

I have heard a lot of people speak up hoarding information of their specialized knowledge for fear that their ideas would be stolen. Many have a tendency of making sure they do not tell you anything pertaining what they do because they want monopoly of supply.

In as much as this perspective may do some initial good, on the long run it robs the world of productivity. I am rarely, if ever, afraid of telling what I did to get what I have. I think it comes from a healthy self-estimation. To replicate the success of a person goes beyond mere imitation to the point that you actually become the person in question. Success is the person and not just an act. If this is true then total imitation is not possible.

When I am asked how I achieved success in an area I count it an opportunity to point a person to a direction that may help in his or her future. Folks often need direction and I hate it when I cannot help out.

Nobody becomes a success on his own. There are always people that point you in the direction of success. Sometimes they do not even know that that is what they are doing! Why don’t you be that person in another’s life? Why don’t you point someone towards his or her success?

       The idea behind the Butterfly Effect is that when a butterfly flaps its wings the effect is felt in distant galaxies. I think this speaks more to people – as we are so intricately connected to one another – than to butterflies. Our actions, even when we do not mean them to, affect people that we have no clue exist. Now imagine if you, like that nameless man in the wilderness, direct a wandering Joseph to his appointment of destiny. How much good would you have done to the future of the soon famine-stricken world and ultimately the purposes of God? 

Helping Others Up...

Give and you will receive. Your gift will return to you in full – pressed down, shaken together to make room for more, running over, and poured into your lap. – Jesus (the Christ)

 It is a normal thing for many-a-folk to expect people to do things for them. We wait for people to make things happen for us. We rarely consider that we can be the persons that should make things happen for others.

Can people run to you when they are stuck in their goal pursuit? It is important we note that we will achieve our goals much faster if we help others achieve their goals. It sounds funny but true. The norm is that we should focus on our goals while others focus on theirs for when will we have enough time to achieve our goals if we are busy with the goals of others?

On the contrary we should make out time to help others achieve their goals. Your support may not be the ultimate load that breaks the camels back but it very well will take it a little closer to fulfillment. This is so because we are all intricately interconnected and to break this connection is to see all our goals fail.

You can help other people’s goals by giving your time. A lot of people just need you to listen and it will go a very long way in ensuring they succeed. The time you invest in their dreams can give them that confidence that their goals are worth the effort and hence make them achieve them.

In addition, you can help by putting in your finances. This is a grey area and many cringe away from it. The reality is that a lot of goals will be achieved if the finances are available for them. Unfortunately the “dreamer” may not have the money. The good part is that the dreamer does not have to be the financier. You can help bring a dream to reality by helping (if you can afford to) with your finances.

You can help another get what they want by contributing your knowledge, skill, and other abilities. Nobody knows it all – more importantly, nobody can do it all! If you find a person you can help ensure you do it. Help out, do your part. Don’t place your mind on the “glory” going to someone else. Remember that your goals will be achieved as you help enough others achieve theirs. 

Lead NOW!

A leader is best when people barely know he exists, when his work is done, his aim fulfilled,they will say: We did it ourselves. - Lao Tsu

   
         You have all it takes to lead in our highly competitive world.

     People and performance are more often than not defined by the word, “Best”. All through our lives we have been pushed to outperform our peers and be better than they. This indeed has helped us to develop, improving from one state to the other, but it has also led to the under-utilization of personal potential. We may become the best in our class but never the best we can be.

     Nevertheless, to lead does not necessarily amount to being first. Indeed, to lead means many other things rather than what we have believed it to be for so long.

     To lead means to have vision. All visionary people are leaders irrespective of their position in the hierarchy. This also means that not every one occupying a position is a leader because it is possible to have a portfolio and lack vision.

     To lead means to influence. Many people have titles without influence. I have seen many instances where the person people truly follow is sandwiched somewhere in the hierarchy. Such a person is the leader without being the boss.

     To lead means to grow. Everyday progress is made in every field. The prevalent information in all fields is overturned with fresher ideas and concepts every few months. To lead in your field will require you grow with the progress made in your field. The person with the fresher information and concepts automatically leads the flock, and he or she does not need to be the boss to achieve this.

     To lead means to take initiative. Most people, including those in highly placed positions, do not take required actions unless prompted by someone higher up the stack. Such a person is not a leader. To lead you must learn to take initiative and act!

     To lead means to follow. If you must lead then you must learn to follow because it is in follower-ship that you find your leadership path. Benjamin Disraeli said: "I must follow the people. Am I not their leader?" Many would-have-been leaders failed here! They assumed since they should be leaders then they do not need to follow anyone. They were probably never taught that the way up is down.

     So, you can lead! Do not wait for an office or portfolio. Have vision, influence positively, grow, take initiative, and follow. This way you are a leader already.