Leadership and Boundaries

Boundaries … barriers. We need them. They let you love someone. Otherwise you might kill them. ­– Sheila Heti  

 We were usually paired two pupils to a desk in primary school. I remember when we will use whatever we could to carefully measure and mark out the midpoint of the desk and declare it "personal territory". What we were saying to each other was, “You can do whatever you choose to but only to this extent.” Whoever initiates the idea of marking out territories also knows that he is defining his own extent.

We know this idea all too well as adults. We know that there are international boundaries, state boundaries, city boundaries, family boundaries, and personal boundaries. Although boundaries seem selfish what they do is show us the extents to which we should exert control. Boundaries are of utmost importance if there would be peaceful coexistence among people of different interests.

Leadership is marked-out all through with boundaries. There is nothing like a “boundless leader.” Any leader who does not identify and acknowledge her boundary would soon lose the respect and honor accrued to her leadership. To enjoy limitless expression of your potential you must do it within your defined boundaries.

How do you identify your boundaries? The first step is to be completely sincere to yourself in your self-estimation. How much can your potential handle? Can your finances invest as much as you want to? Can your education produce the results you desire? Do you have the level of competence needed for the success you desire? If not you would be doing yourself a grave disservice to progress without reviewing boundaries.

Second, understand that you must identify and respect the boundaries of other people involved. It does not matter how dependent people may be on you. When you disrespectfully ignore their personal space they will flinch. Any further respect you receive from them is merely mechanical and no longer willful submission.

Your success journey is highly empowered by recognizing your boundaries.

Mentor Matters

Tell me and I forget, teach me and I may remember, involve me and I learn. ­– Benjamin Franklin

 The first step for every aspect of human learning is imitation. A child imitates how her parents walk, talk, laugh, play, and even fight. If there are insults flying around at home you can be sure that the child will adopt them as fast as she can. If you want to make quick progress in any field, learn to imitate.

Now, many proclaim themselves leaders in various fields but have never been mentored by someone that has gone before them. The day Novak Djokovic lost his place as tennis world number one to Rafael Nadal, he gave Boris Becker, one-time youngest ever player to win the Wimbledon Open, a call to become his trainer. He did this because he knew that to regain his top rank in world tennis he needed someone who has been there and done that.

Mentorship is a pattern for would-be champions. A mentor should be someone who would not only show you the what but also the how to achieve what you desire to achieve. In effect, that means that he or she must be a person who has done what you are trying to do in detail. Age, gender, ethnicity, and the like, may not matter when choosing a mentor. What matters is whether or not the mentor knows his or her "onions" in that area.

In choosing a mentor, there are three things that should not be ignored. The first is prior record of the possible mentor. What has the person achieved in the field? How much learning has he in it? There are times when you learn from people that have failed in the area you want to succeed in but that does not amount to mentorship. For an effective mentor-protégé relationship, you need someone who has actually succeeded in it. At the least your mentor must be someone who may have failed in an aspect of the area but have overcome his failure enough to allow for proper mentorship.

I addition, you must understand and accept your would-be mentor’s value system. You must be bold to get answers to questions like; what does she believe? What makes him compromise? Does she understand the full purpose of why she is alive? This is important. A mentor-protégé relationship does not only transfer actions and principles but the very life of the mentor gets into the protégé.

Finally, your would-be mentor must be willing to teach. You cannot learn effectively from a secretive teacher. Your mentor must be willing to show you all that you need to learn for you to succeed.

The Mindset of a Great Leader

It’s hard to lead a cavalry charge if you think you look funny on a horse. ­– Adlai E. Stevenson (Two-time US presidential aspirant)

Leadership does not begin with an office. It has been said a million times over that you can lead from the middle of the pack. Inclusively, even the pillars of leadership; vision, integrity, taking initiative, and the like, are not sufficient to put you on the right leadership pedestal. This is so because leadership also does not begin with a mechanical adherence to principles. I am certain that you have seen “leaders” that do all the right things but can at best be referred to as poor leaders. You see, he is not a leader that does not think he is a leader. So, in essence, leadership begins with an attitude of the mind.

To develop the mindset of leadership you must first have a healthy self-esteem. Your self-esteem is your estimation of yourself – the worth you place of yourself. In itself it remains in neutral but you make it positive or negative. A healthy self-esteem brings with it confidence in your ability, courage to face daunting situations, a listening ear to every person involved in the task and a proactive rather than reactive attitude toward criticisms. An unhealthy self-esteem shows itself in an attitude of despair, worry, fear, and the like. A leader with a healthy self-esteem will emanate all the positives, while the opposite will be the case for a leader with an unhealthy self-esteem.

In addition to the attitude tool-kit of a leader, there must be an openness and boldness to permit creativity and innovation in everyday activities. Many leaders cannot face change, especially when it is initiated by someone other than themselves. You must be able to entertain creative and innovative suggestions. This may mean that you admit your own suggestions are not as innovative as the new ones suggested.

Finally, a leader must have a mindset that understands that authority in itself is a burden. This means that you must first be able to submit to authority for you to understand how and why people should submit to your authority. If folks would submit to your authority you must have a mindset that tells you it isn’t an opportunity to exploit but a responsibility to serve because a great leader, at the end of the day, is simply a great servant.