First Step to Learning from YOUR Failings

The first step towards learning from a failing is to acknowledge it and take responsibility for it. This sounds like the most logical thing to do when you have failed, simply acknowledge and take responsibility, but the reverse in the case in society. Have you met a student who passed an examination with flying colours? He typically will say of his result when he is asked that, “I scored 5 As and 3 Bs!” more often than not he will speak with a zest that tells you he is proud of his accomplishment. In the same vein ask a student who performed woefully in the same examination and you will hear something like, “They gave me 3 Ds and 4 Fs.” I want you to note the choice and usage of words here. The student who did well takes responsibility for his performance but the other who failed deflects responsibility and attaches it to the examination body. They failed him! This is a simplistic example but goes to buttress the point.

What is your attitude towards your failings? Do you quickly acknowledge that you have failed and take responsibility for it or do you deflect it to just about anybody who you can deflect it to? If you search for such escape routes you will find many – your spouse, children, religion, school, economy, environment, the weather, or even God. The problem with taking these escape routes is that they ensure you do not leave your condition. You will continue to remain in the rot because if it isn’t your fault that you failed then you will wait for the person or circumstance whose fault it is to correct itself or the condition for you.

If on the other hand you are set on a progressive course in life, you will acknowledge that YOU failed and take full responsibility for YOUR failing. Do not underestimate the importance of taking responsibility when it comes to your failings. As in all cases of taking responsibility, you suddenly feel empowered to succeed when next you do the same venture. Taking responsibility gives you the following advantages:

·        Shows you and people around you that you and you alone is in control of your life.

·        Impresses upon people that you are a responsible person.

·        Increases public opinion of you.

·        Enhances your personal sense of self worth.

·        Reduces fear of failing in the same and other ventures.

·        Makes you confident of the fact that you aren’t a passive failure

·        Increases your confidence of trying the same thing again and even trying other things.

·        Increases your chances of success in life.

Never be afraid of taking responsibility for your failings. Imagine losing these benefits simply because you aren’t able to acknowledge a failing and accept responsibility for it. 

Learning from Your Failings (Part 2)

The second and final step towards learning from your failings is the art of scrutinizing the reasons for failing deeply. I call it an art because I really consider it to be such. To explain my statement I’ll like to teach you about a method of questioning invented by the Japanese. It is called the “Five Whys Method.” It is a question-asking technique used to explore the cause and effect relationships underlying a particular problem. The primary goal of the technique is to determine the root cause of a defect or problem. It is important to remember that the answer to each question then forms the basis of the next question. Let me give you an example.

Assuming you have identified a nagging problem that although you perform satisfactorily in your examinations, you don't score higher than a C. 

You then ask yourself:

Why don't I score better grades than Cs?” This is the first why. It may have an answer that goes thus: Because my tests and assignment scores are always low.

Then you proceed to the second why:

Why are my test and assignment scores always low?”

To this question your answer may be:

Because I don't take my academics seriously until a few weeks to the examinations.

And then the third why:

Why don't I take my academics seriously until a few weeks to the examinations?”

Because I perpetually resume late to school.

Fourth why:

Why do I perpetually resume late?

Because I depend on my poor mother for pocket money.

Why do I depend on my mother for pocket money?

Because, unlike other folks my age, I don't work during the holidays.

Now, note that the Fifth why is the root cause. At this point you stop and earmark a counter-measure. A counter-measure for this example may be: “I need to ensure that I take up a part-time job during the next holiday so I can earn and save some pocket money for school.”

If you follow this simple technique it will most certainly help you probe your way to the root cause of any problem.

I hope I succeeded in showing you ways to learn from every failing. Remember, failing is a natural happening in the path of success. A failure is a person who sits back and accepts a failing as his final destination!

Fear of Failing

Many of us are afraid of failing, at least some of the time. But atychiphobia, which is fear of failure, is when we allow that fear to stop us doing the things that can move us forward to achieve our goals.

Fear of failure can be linked to many causes. For instance, I remember running away from a debate competition which I was one of the favorites to clinch in primary school because my father was not supportive of the idea. At that time – for some reason I couldn’t explain – he felt I didn’t have what it takes to deliver in a competitive debate. Because of his reaction, I developed a grave fear of failure attached to any opportunity to speak in front of a crowd. I carried those negative feelings into adulthood but was lucky enough to overcome them.

Experiencing a traumatic event at some point in your life can also be a cause. For example, say that several years ago you gave an important presentation in front of a large group, and you did very poorly. The experience might have been so terrible that you became afraid of failing in other things. And you carry that fear even now, years later.

Some signs that you are afraid to fail in your endeavors and in life include:

·        A reluctance to leave your comfort zone and try new things. (explain briefly)

·     Self-sabotage – for example, procrastination, excessive anxiety, or a failure to follow through with goals.

·    Low self-esteem – commonly using negative statements such as "I'll never be good enough to make the examination," or "I'm not smart enough to get on that team," are proves that you have low self esteem.

·    Perfectionism – A willingness to try only those things that you know you'll finish perfectly and successfully. Also it shows in an attitude that isn’t willing to accept any error or imperfection in your activities.

It's almost impossible to go through life without experiencing some kind of failure. People who dare to live failure-free lives live so cautiously that they amount to nothing. In effect, they're not really living at all.

The wonderful thing about failure is that it's entirely up to us to decide how to look at it.

We can choose to see failure as "the end of the world," or as proof of just how inadequate we are. Or, we can look at failure as the incredible learning experience that it often is. Every time we fail at something, we can choose to look for the lesson we're meant to learn. These lessons are very important; they're how we grow, and how we keep from making that same mistake again. Failures stop us only if we let them.

Learning from Failings

There are different angles we can look at failings from. We can consider them to be fatal blows to our progress and give up or we can look at them as opportunities to learn something new. These are differing perspectives and they have differing consequences. It is of this I will like to speak to you about today – how to learn from failings.

Note that the constant in the equation of success is failing. To fear failings therefore does not help overcome it. The person who has truly overcome failings is the person who learns from every opportunity he or she has to fail. This means what should have had the potential of discouraging and in fact destroying future possibilities turns out to be the teacher. When Thomas Edison tried several times to make the electric bulb and didn’t succeed he reportedly said, “I didn’t fail. I learnt 10000 different ways the electric bulb cannot be created.” That’s the paradigm of a person who understands that failings are effective teachers.

The flip side of this is that people find it difficult to perceive how failings can be our teachers. I mean, how can something I detest be what will teach me how to do the thing I want to do effectively? It is always important to keep in mind the fact that failings are inevitable. Show me a person who never fails and I will show you a person who never tries to achieve anything. In fact, this same person will not amount to anything worthwhile. To establish this point I often ask folks how they learned to ride bicycles. Without an exception they all state that they fell several times in the process of learning. In fact some say that they didn’t know exactly when they perfected the skill of riding a bicycle. This is so because the transition between imperfection and perfection, between failings and mastering, is seamless. You move from one world to the other without knowing when you cross the border.

Overcoming the Fear of Failing

It's easy to find successful people who have experienced failure. For example:

·      Michael Jordan is widely considered to be one of the greatest basketball players of all time. And yet, he was cut from his high school basketball team because his coach didn't think he had enough skill.

·     Warren Buffet, one of the world's richest and most successful businessmen, was rejected by Harvard University.

·             Richard Branson, owner of the Virgin empire, is a high school dropout.

Most of us will stumble and fall in life. Doors will get slammed in our faces, and we might make some bad decisions. But imagine if Michael Jordan had given up on his dream to play basketball when he was cut from that team. Imagine if Richard Branson had listened to the people who told him he'd never do anything worthwhile without a high school diploma.

Think of the opportunities you'll miss if you let your failures stop you.

Failure can also teach us things about ourselves that we would never have learned otherwise. For instance, failure can help you discover how strong a person you are. Failing at something can help you discover your truest friends, or help you find unexpected motivation to succeed.

Often, valuable insights come only after a failure. Accepting and learning from those insights is key to succeeding in life.

Although there is always a chance that we will fail in some life ventures, there are a few ways to reduce the fear of failing:

·      Analyze all potential outcomes – Many people experience fear of failure because they fear the unknown. Remove that fear by considering all of the potential outcomes of your decision.

·     Learn to think more positively – Positive thinking is an incredibly powerful way to build self-confidence and neutralize self-sabotage.

·    Look at the worse-case scenario – In some cases, the worst case scenario may be genuinely disastrous, and it may be perfectly rational to fear failure. In other cases, however, this worst case may actually not be that bad, and recognizing this can help face the fear.

·      Have a contingency plan  – If you're afraid of failing at something, having a "Plan B" in place can help you feel more confident about moving forward.

If you are afraid of failure, you might be uncomfortable setting goals. But goals help us define where we want to go in life. Without goals, we have no sure destination.

Start by setting a few small goals. These should be goals that are slightly, but not overwhelmingly, challenging. Think of these goals as "early wins" that are designed to help boost your confidence.

For example, if you've been too afraid to talk to the new department head (who has the power to give you the promotion you want), then make that your first goal. Plan to stop by her office during the next week to introduce yourself.

Or, imagine that you've dreamed of returning to school to get your MBA, but you're convinced that you're not smart enough to be accepted into business school. Set a goal to buy a form fill and submit.

Try to make your goals tiny steps on the route to much bigger goals. Don't focus on the end picture: getting the promotion, or graduating with an MBA. Just focus on the next step: introducing yourself to the department head, and purchasing the form. That's it.

Taking one small step at a time will help build your confidence, keep you moving forward, and prevent you from getting overwhelmed with visions of your final goal.

Failings and Failures

So to redefine failure, it isn’t just about how little money you have stored up or even how little you earn. It isn’t how “small” your office is or how insignificant you think you are. Failure is when you live life aimlessly on the wrong path. Failure is also when you pursue a life goal either because someone else feels you should or when that is the direction society is headed. The failure is the teacher who is teaching only to earn a salary. The failure is the nurse who does it simply because she didn’t have any other thing to do. Also – and get ready for this one – the failure is the Local Government Chairman, State Governor or even President who is occupying that hallowed office only because he had the money to buy it or because “people said he should contest.”

Failing is an occurrence, a happening, an instance. Failing is external. It is a thing that happens to people when they get out of their comfort zones and try something different. Failing is a natural episode in the process which leads to expertise. A failure, on the other hand, is a person, a way of life, a life pattern. Being a failure is internal. It isn’t something that happens to a person but the person himself. A failure is a person who depressingly sits back in his pool of sorrow and feels he can never be anything better than he is at the moment. A failure is someone who has truncated the failing process by making it his destination.

So the question which naturally arises is whether you fail or are a failure. It was the Late Maya Angelou that said, “You may encounter many defeats, but you must not be defeated. In fact, it may be necessary to encounter the defeats, so you can know who you are, what you can rise from, how you can still come out of it.” Believe me when I say to you that I know firsthand the pain and difficulty that comes from failing. Interestingly though, I will not sacrifice the fleeting peace of not trying to take away the excitement of trying something. I understand that it is only those who dare to fail that can ever achieve anything worthwhile.

Finally I’ll like you to consider the golden words of Winston S. Churchill: “Success is stumbling from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm.”

A Discourse on Failings

I will like to begin with a question which will sound like a rhetoric one but of which in all intents and purposes I desire that it triggers a chain reaction of thoughts in your heart. Here it is: have you ever failed in your life? It is safe for the goal of this discuss for me to assume that the answer to this question is yes. I say this because I have personally had several bouts with failings and although with every bout I feel like a loner on a deserted island, I have witnessed the desire many have to break free from the bondage of failure and realized that I am not alone after all!

Funny as it may seem, not too long ago – precisely during my university years – I considered some people impregnable by the sharp claws of failings. I remember a colleague we tagged “Prof.” He was a brilliant chap and deservedly excelled with a First Class degree in Chemical Engineering. On one occasion he was asked if he had ever failed academically and he surprised most of us by stating emphatically that he has. He was asked to elaborate and he explained that he once set a goal to score an A grade in a course but got a C. That didn’t in any way sound like a failing to students like me who were oscillating between Cs and Ds.

Sometime later I understood what Prof meant when I heard the legendary Earl Nightingale define success as “The progressive realization of a worthy ideal.” This definition was revolutionary to my psyche because it meant two things:

·    The first is that success is a journey. This means you don’t become successful when you attain something or even a goal but you become a success the moment you begin a journey towards a predetermined end.

·       Second to that is success is predetermined. This means that the success isn’t just the person who attains a big office or becomes rich but the person who is doing intentionally what he or she decided to do. A success is hence the school teacher who is a school teacher because that is what he wants to be and do. The success is the nurse who chose that profession herself and is doing a great job at it. This also applies to every other field of human endeavor.

How to Live a Real Life

Large numbers of people in our societies and beyond live virtual lives. For something to be virtual means that it seems real but actually is not. It means that although it looks physical and present, it isn’t tangible.

In the world of airlines, flight simulators have been used for over twenty years in training pilots. These flight simulators are used for training pilots in developing new skills in handling aircraft under unusual operating conditions, and discovering the flight characteristics of the new aircraft. Simulators – as their names denote – virtually simulate the flying experience and maneuvers for the pilot while s/he sits comfortably – or uncomfortably – in a room. Virtual flying is important to pilot training but can never replace the real experience of flying a real plane.

As it is with virtual flights, so it is with the lives of many good people – they live virtual lives! How does a person live a virtual live? Simple. Consider the picture above and you will see that many live either in their pasts or in their futures. You identify both groups by their words. Past dwellers say things like, “I hate what he did to me. He ruined me!” “I am here because of my dad’s poor decisions in 5 years ago,” “I deserve some respect from you. I was the winner of the 1992 beauty pageant!” on the other hand, future dwellers say, “I will soon be a very rich woman,” “I will do the job tomorrow,” “Don’t look down on me. I have a feeling that will be someone important in the future.”

Do not misunderstand my emphasis. Your past and, more-so, your future is important. The issue is that they do not exist in reality. They are both in your mind. They are virtual realities. The only moment that is real and that you can use to improve the quality of your life is the moment you are experiencing as you read this article. In effect, it does not matter how long you live replaying your past or anticipating your future. The impact you seek to make can only be done with now.

Choose today not to be stagnated by your virtual yesterday – you cannot change it – or overwhelmed by your virtual tomorrow – you aren’t there yet. Live in the present. Live today. Live NOW!

What Success is...n't

One of those questions that will always be of interest to people irrespective of their generation is what exactly success is. Then quickly comes to mind the question of if success is exactly anything. I say this because success to one person may actually be utter failure to another. As it is said, “One man’s food can be another’s poison.”

Earl Nightingale once said, “Success is the progressive realization of a worthy ideal.” I like that – progressive realization – which means it isn’t just a destination but a journey. As for definitions of success, Earl’s ranks at the top of my list. In as much as a clear-cut definition may not universally do it for us all, it is possible to earmark what success is NOT. In doing this we will knock off some very popular perceptions and, in all chances, begin to earmark what success really means. So let’s begin.

Success is not money. Money has become a very popular gauge that measures how successful people are. Society has pushed us to points where we erroneously feel successful when our bank accounts are swelled and in effect feel unsuccessful at times they are otherwise. Rather than have this perception, know that it is possible to be successful or a failure with or without a swelled bank balance.

Success is not a destination. I have alluded to this earlier. We customarily perceive success as a point that we must attain before we think we have succeeded. Although attaining a set goal is certainly a part of the success formula, it isn’t the whole. When you keep a fixed paradigm of success as a destination and nothing else you make the journey towards that destination a difficult chore. This greatly takes from the joy of attainment.

Success is not a part of your life. It is common to perceive success as a part of a human being. “He is a successful counselor but failed in his health,” or “She is a great mother but a terrible wife,” we often say. We speak this way because we think a human being is compartmentalized like a department store. On the contrary a human is ONE and hence success must also be the whole ONE life and not a part of it.

These are not all that success isn’t but having highlighted these three, I would proceed in the next a few other articles to state what success exactly (maybe) is.

Best Success Secret II: God's Direction

A man’s heart plans his ways, but the Lord directs his steps. ­– Solomon David

Can you but love people who know how to plan? It is interesting working with such because it seems every advice you give yields good results. You can help anybody who has a plan get to where he desires to. What can you do with a plan-less folk? You cannot push him. You cannot motivate him for greatness. You cannot direct him because which way will you direct a traveler who has no idea where he is going?

Irrespective of my best intentions in guiding someone with a plan to his goal God does it beyond all imagination. He specializes on giving the right direction at all times to the person with a plan. God will tell you what steps to take, what turns to make, what foot to put forward next. He will guide you to the best stocks to buy, when to buy and when to restrain yourself.

It is God’s desire to guide you to heights beyond the limits you have imagined. Interestingly we find it difficult to believe. We often see our goals as ours. We think on a straight line that because if our hearts have conceived the vision then we must find our way through to it. With God in the picture it isn’t so by any stint of the imagination. He desires to guide you as you take one step and then another toward a vision. “Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you saying, “This is the way; walk in it,”” says an envoy from God.

{Order for my new book on Amazon.com Do it Like Kids, click here} 

If you desire God’s direction in accomplishing your plans you must do your part by;

1.     Having a plan

2.     Acknowledging God’s place in your plans

3.     Pursuing goals that would be of benefit to others

4.     Overcoming crippling fear

5.     Taking steps in faith

6.     Obeying the last instruction received exactly as it was instructed

There are certain pointers I have identified through which you may know that God is leading you:

1. Breakthrough ideas you haven't thought of pop-up into your mind
2. You find help from people at times and places you never imagined to find them
3. You coincide with opportunities that suit perfectly with your inherent gifts, talents and skills
4. You encounter bigger burdens that move you to act

Best Success Secret I: Planning

A man’s heart plans his ways, but the Lord directs his steps. ­– Solomon David

The quote above outlines what may be the best success secret of all time. It shows two things that will ensure a person achieves his goals; your plan and God’s direction.

A colleague once wrote me a request that he wanted to work with me and help me accomplish the goals I have set. I appreciated his interest in my work but replied that he sends me his personal vision, dreams and goals set. I could have jumped on the opportunity of making my goals more achievable because of his input but I know two things; he would be no good to me if he has no personal goals, and the person who will help you achieve anything worthwhile must first know how to plan his own life.

          A plan is an outline of how a vision will be achieved. It tells, in detail, how a person will get from point A to B. It breaks down goal pursuit into simpler steps. To make effective plans every time you try, ask yourself the following questions:

1.     What do I want to achieve?

2.     Where am I at the moment in reference to my goal?

3.     What resources do I have at my disposal?

4.     Who can help me?

5.     How much time do I have?

6.     What are the small steps I can take today that will move me closer to achieving my goal?

7.     When do I begin?

The answers to these questions are the framework for your plan. As you answer them you begin to see what it will really take to achieve your goal and if you have what it takes at the moment to achieve it. I believe that it doesn’t matter how far a person is from his vision, he can achieve it if he has a plan that clearly tells how to achieve it.

{Order for my new book on Amazon.com, Do it Like Kids, click here}

When you have outlined your plan you step out in faith that your plans will work. It is at this time that the second ingredient to your success recipe – God’s direction gets rolling. We will deal with that in the next article.

Take a Quantum Leap to Success!

When You get to the other side you
become a different person!

Taking the leap felt appropriate. Only it wasn’t just a short hop. It was a full plunge off a cliff. ­– Maya banks, Rush

Success depends a lot on how you see yourself. Your self-image, or personal mind picture or personal definition – whatever you call it – determines how far you go in life and the quality and quantity of goals you achieve in your lifetime.

          We all have a mind picture of ourselves in every area of life. The way you see yourself determines the extent of your success in an area. For example I consider myself a very good inspirational writer – not the best – just very good. Because of this self-image I write good articles – if the responses I get from my posts are anything to go by with. On the other hand I consider myself a horrible dancer. When I am anywhere around dances I immediately look for something else to do to take the attention away from me.

          Your self-image is developed over several years and through various experiences and environments. It grows so strong that it more-often-than-not keeps a strangle hold on you. It ensures you don’t become anything contrary to the image – you see why I may never be a renowned dancer? The same can keep you sick, sad, poor, or an all-round failure for the rest of your life.

There is some hope for folks like me. If you want to do greater things in the area your self-image cannot permit, you need to shake things radically. You need to set and accomplish a goal you could never have imagined in your most wildest of dreams. The type of step I mean is the glutton going on a forty days fast, or the lazy woman joining the marathon race, or me registering for a highly publicized dancing competition.

When we set such goals and are able to achieve them, something happens within. The image changes! We suddenly see ourselves differently and will be more able to accommodate more possibilities.

       {To order for my new book, Do it Like Kids, click here}

If you take this seriously you will have set yourself up for huge accomplishments. It will happen as such because your boundaries of limitation will be expanded with every goal achieved.

Goal Action Stage: IS YOUR GOAL FEASIBLE?

So I arrived Jerusalem. Three days later, I slipped out during the night, taking only a few others with me. … after dark I went out through the Valley Gate, past the Jackal’s Well, and over the Dung Gate to inspect the broken walls and burned gates. Then I went to the Fountain Gate and to the Kings Pool, … - Nehemiah Hacaliah (when analyzing the work to be done in Jerusalem)

       I have had friends meet me with verbal business proposals and the statements that follow is, “I am certain that this venture cannot fail because of this or that.” Then I ask of some questions that I feel are basic in determining if any venture will survive or otherwise. Questions like: “Have you done this type of work in the past?” or “Have you asked around if there is a trade union governing this type of venture?” and in more cases, “No” as a response is not an exception.

      It is easy to stand outside the “gates” of a venture and declare it “easy”. You look at it and imagine a home-run with the profits and other benefits rolling into your “barns”. But it is the very thought of, “I cannot fail,” without any plans that makes people fail.

      Before you set out to accomplish your goals, do a feasibility analysis. This simply means that you drop your paperwork and get into the fields to see and feel things for yourself. It is important to plan but note that all plans on paper never work exactly as they were written. Sometimes a complete overhaul and change of plan is needed. That is why you must carry out a feasibility analysis.

      It does not matter what venture you want to get into – skydiving or selling groundnuts – you must carry out a feasibility analysis because the fields are by far different from what you assume it is.

       Some questions you should ask (but not limited to) in a feasibility study include:

       What level of education is needed for this venture? Do I have it?

       How much money do I need?

       Have I done anything like this in the past?

       Is this venture as profitable as I thought?

       What is plan on how to succeed in this venture?

    These questions should be tailored to your unique venture. There is no blueprint on how exactly all feasibility studies should go but the point is that you must do one on the field.