Be Fearless

Fear is natural in humans. I believe that fear is a God-given trait of every person. I have always thought that fear is learned with time and experience. I thought that fear is adopted from our environment but I now think otherwise. What led to my change in perception was when I realized that my 4-month-old baby* was afraid of falling down. She’ll do what she can to hold on to your shirt when you lift her up. She also did the same when the lights go off at night. Prior to this time she had never fallen down from a height and neither have I sat her down to explain the there was something to fear in the dark. This to me meant that experience was out of the question. She must have been wired with fear to serve as a deterrent to pain and suffering.

Now, that’s where the good news on fear ends. In as much as fear comes naturally to us, it shouldn’t guide our lives and decisions. When fear is left unchecked it becomes a menace to both its victim and the people around him or her.

The effects of fear are far reaching. It cripples a person and makes him inactive. This means that an action that would normally have been a piece of cake becomes very difficult to do. Fear shuts down your ability to think critically and coherently. The period a person is afraid is the worst possible time to strike a deal. This is because the critical aspect of the mind that helps to analyze issues rationally shuts down. Fear inflates and exaggerates an obstacle. When you are afraid you consider easily surmountable obstacles as high insurmountable mountains.

“There is only one thing that makes a dream impossible to achieve: the fear of failure.”  ― Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist

To conquer and counter the effects of fear you should develop courage. Courage isn’t the absence of fear but the boldness to act irrespective of the fears you have. A courageous person knows exactly what he wants from life and is willing take the necessary actions needed to actualize these goals. This he does whether he is afraid or not. What happens when you take such bold actions of courage is that the obstacle shrinks. My advice to you? Be fearless!

*Jamila is now 10 months old

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Do not conform but leave an environment better than you met it

An unfortunate trend with humans is that we have an inherent tendency to copy, be like, be influenced by and conform to others around us. I watched a video of a social experiment in which a camera was planted in an elevator. The “normal” way you stand inside an elevator is facing the door. Without being told we all do this. In this social experiment, when a person walks into the elevator he or she finds six other people, who are all a part of the experiment, backing the door. In all cases videoed, the subject of the experiment gradually turns to also back the door thereby conforming to the way every other person was facing. They all did this strange act without asking a question as to why the door is backed and not faced.

This tendency to conform ensures that we become a part of our environments rather than individuals in it. When you are a part of your environment you will miss the things that are obviously wrong with it. It is this tendency to conform and be a part of the environment that makes students come into a classroom and deface the walls with, “So-and-so waz hia.” It is the tendency that makes us walk across refuse dumps and gutters that breed mosquitoes into our “clean” rooms. It is the tendency that makes “responsible” parents pay for the examination malpractices of their wards. After all, “Everyone is doing it.”

I know of Bitrus, an NYSC member, who organized his hitherto “senseless” students into a JETS Club competition because he sensed the potential in the abandoned children. I know of Ayo who led families to clean up and create drainages and waterways for his street. I know of Justina who supports public school education and has given out over 5000 reading materials to children she has no relationship to. I know of Hamzat who drew the world’s attention and action to dying children and government negligence through a twitter hash tag #followthemoney.

Now, this is success: NOT conforming but leaving an environment better than you met it. If you desire to be a successful person you should adopt this simple policy of ensuring that rather than conform to your environment, you change it, add to it, and leave it better than you met it.

Influencing the world around you to think like you

I hold that a strongly marked personality can influence descendants for generations. – Beatrix Potter

Success isn’t defined by your account balance or even the things they can purchase. This is hard to perceive in our societies because of the undue import we have placed on money in our culture – our music, crafts, religions, “love”.

Nonetheless there are some people the civilized world will never forget. People that will not be remembered for the money they had but for the indelible mark they left behind. In our recent history the simple man, Mahatma Gandhi, stands shoulder above many. He was reputed as the man that ended British rule in India. The most remarkable part of Gandhi’s weaponry was the absence of weapons. He believed unequivocally in non-violent resistance at all times and stood by that philosophy until his death in January 1948. Let us consider what his philosophy achieved in the lives of some famous people (revolutionaries in their own right):

1)   Leaders of the civil rights movement in the United States, Martin Luther King and James Lawson, drew from the writings of Gandhi in the development of their own theories about non-violence.

2)  Nelson Mandela: “Nonviolence is a powerful and just weapon. Indeed, it is a weapon unique in history, which cuts without wounding and ennobles the man who wields it.”

3)     Albert Einstein: Gandhi is "a role model for the generations to come."

4)     British musician John Lennon referred to Gandhi as an influence on his music.

5)     Senator Barack Obama: "Throughout my life, I have always looked to Mahatma Gandhi as an inspiration, because he embodies the kind of transformational change that can be made when ordinary people come together to do extraordinary things. That is why his portrait hangs in my Senate office: to remind me that real results will come not just from Washington – they will come from the people."

This then is success: Influencing the world around you to think like you and inspire to your aspirations. All successful people had this feature of success. That is what made them great folks. That’s what made them indispensable to human history.

Impacting the World with the investment of your Internal Capacity

                              Work on being and not on having. – TL Osborne

For many people success is all about the money they have and what they can acquire with it. Although money and the things money can buy are important, this perspective of success is grossly lopsided and inadequate for the present-day world. I say this not because success hasn’t always been more than just money but because of the dire need of the world for people who have substance within them.

The story of Moses is an interesting one. It applies more-so today as it has always done. He was born at a time when giving birth to a son was a major quandary. The most powerful man on earth had decreed that male babies born to Israeli families be killed – this was his own birth control measure. In Moses’ case he was favored enough to be raised in the home of Pharaoh and so escaped death. Beyond escaping death, he was also raised as a prince undergoing all the teachings needed for an heir-apparent. He was trained on administration, public relations, dispute settlement, and managing people. After forty years of the best training money can pay for, he spent the next forty years in the wilderness tending sheep for his father in-law. If you love activity and movement then the life of a shepherd isn’t the best career choice for you. Everyday seems like the day before. With sheep as his only companions, he learned to be extremely patient.

Moses was now not only trained in the complicated skill of leading people, he was also trained to be patient at all times. Then – only then – came the last forty years of his life. Moses led the whole nation of Israel out of captivity, stood in as the only obstacle to their destruction many times, dialogued with troublesome citizens, delegated his responsibilities to others, established the first known constitution, and many more things. By the end of Moses’ life it was obvious that he was a very successful leader and person. Moses was successful not because of the money he earned or even the office he occupied, but because of the impact his internal capacity made to the world around him.

That is the definition of success – impacting the world around you with the investment of your internal capacity. It is an investment because it takes years of building and consistency to enlarge your internal capacity. It takes years of (sometimes) painstaking reading, practice, volunteering, practice, service, practice, practice, practice to enlarge your internal capacity.

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How to Live a Real Life

Large numbers of people in our societies and beyond live virtual lives. For something to be virtual means that it seems real but actually is not. It means that although it looks physical and present, it isn’t tangible.

In the world of airlines, flight simulators have been used for over twenty years in training pilots. These flight simulators are used for training pilots in developing new skills in handling aircraft under unusual operating conditions, and discovering the flight characteristics of the new aircraft. Simulators – as their names denote – virtually simulate the flying experience and maneuvers for the pilot while s/he sits comfortably – or uncomfortably – in a room. Virtual flying is important to pilot training but can never replace the real experience of flying a real plane.

As it is with virtual flights, so it is with the lives of many good people – they live virtual lives! How does a person live a virtual live? Simple. Consider the picture above and you will see that many live either in their pasts or in their futures. You identify both groups by their words. Past dwellers say things like, “I hate what he did to me. He ruined me!” “I am here because of my dad’s poor decisions in 5 years ago,” “I deserve some respect from you. I was the winner of the 1992 beauty pageant!” on the other hand, future dwellers say, “I will soon be a very rich woman,” “I will do the job tomorrow,” “Don’t look down on me. I have a feeling that will be someone important in the future.”

Do not misunderstand my emphasis. Your past and, more-so, your future is important. The issue is that they do not exist in reality. They are both in your mind. They are virtual realities. The only moment that is real and that you can use to improve the quality of your life is the moment you are experiencing as you read this article. In effect, it does not matter how long you live replaying your past or anticipating your future. The impact you seek to make can only be done with now.

Choose today not to be stagnated by your virtual yesterday – you cannot change it – or overwhelmed by your virtual tomorrow – you aren’t there yet. Live in the present. Live today. Live NOW!